Thanksgiving Through Tears: The First Year of Grief

Holidays were always special in our family. I'm so grateful that my parents gave us so many precious holiday memories as I face the first year of holidays without Mom and Dad.

Although I married and moved out of state when I was only 17, I have many happy memories of childhood Thanksgivings, where Dad spent the day in the kitchen. Mom made our everyday dinners, but Dad was the extraordinaire holiday chef in our family.

Because of work and school schedules, I didn't ever come home for Thanksgiving after I moved to Virginia. Instead, I recreated an Atkins family Thanksgiving for my kids each year. Thanks to my oldest sister, Sue, I have this photo of Dad carving the turkey at a family Thanksgiving celebration.

Whenever I count my blessings, God and family are at the top of the list. We made these gratitude leaves to decorate our Thanksgiving table last year, letting the grandkids write their own. One of the gratitude leaves I made says, "Parents and siblings," among my greatest blessings in life.

In previous years, we also made gratitude turkeys and gratitude trees. For many years, we've each shared something for which we are grateful as our Thanksgiving prayer before the meal.

Life is filled with blessings. From the food we eat to the God we praise, we have so many reasons to celebrate and give thanks every day, not just on a single day filled with turkey and all the fixings.

On this first Thanksgiving without Mom and Dad, I'm grateful that I have a four-generation photo of Mom and Dad with me, Jenny and my grandson Kyle, Mom and Dad's first great-grandchild. Our memories are precious, but photos are an extra bonus.

I'm also grateful to have photos from back in the day of each of my kids with Mom and Dad. In this photo, Jenny and Dad are playing with little people while Mom sits on one of our family's high chairs in the background.

Mom hid her face from the camera, but some of my older photos caught Mom off-guard, like this photo of Mom helping Jenny walk on the windowsill at the Kansas City Airport.

On one of our many visits to Worlds of Fun, I took this photo of Lauren driving Mom in a funny car. Mom didn't ride too many of the rides, but she always enjoyed riding in these cars.

I have farewell photos from many of our visits back home, including this one when Jenny and Lauren were teens. Spending time at Mom and Dad's house will always be a precious memory to me.

Family meant so much to Mom and she passed that sentiment on to all of us. Family gatherings are one of my favorite things in life. Whether it's just me, Kenny and the kids or our extended family, I love spending time with family.

The best thing about memories is that nothing can take them away from us. Even though I'll never see Mom on her front porch again, I'll always remember how happy it made her to sit there, watching the world go by in her corner of the world.

Jack was Mom and Dad's second grandson, born just a few years after his cousin Chris. Although Dad loved all of his grandkids, he always enjoyed spending time with his grandsons.

Dad often made funny faces for the camera, just like Jack does. Maybe it's genetic or just a guy thing, but photos like this one of Dad make me laugh.

As I gather for Thanksgiving with my children and grandchildren this year, I'll feel the presence of Mom and Dad everywhere. From the joy of holidays that Mom exuded to the day spent cooking that reminds me of Dad, I know they'll be there with me as I give thanks.

Mom and Dad and all of our beloved loved ones who have passed before us are with us always in our hearts and in our memories. Nothing can take that away.

One of Mom's favorite sayings was, "This too shall pass" and I know it's true. The first year will be the hardest year for all of us. The pain of Mom and Dad's deaths is still so deep and raw. Although we'll always miss them and the pain of their loss will always be there, the depth of the pain will lessen over time.

 
One of my favorite sayings is, "Life goes on and life is good." Although there's a deep sadness in my heart as I face the holidays without my parents, I choose joy. Life is good and God has blessed me with so many gifts. I will always be grateful for the gifts, especially the wonderful gift of family.

May your family be richly blessed, at Thanksgiving and always. Blogging Grandma Sandy, signing off for now.

Little Love Notes in the News

As a casual writer, my attention is always drawn to stories about writing in the news.

Although writing isn't my career, I've been writing for most of my life.

My love of words began as a child. I committed some of my favorite books to memory before I could actually read, thanks to my loving parents and siblings reading them repeatedly to me.

I jumped fully into recreational writing in high school in a creative writing class lovingly taught by Myrtle Thompson, known to her students as "Pic".

It might seem strange to think of a high school teacher as loving, but that described Pic to a T. Her love for words was only matched by her love and affection for her students.

I moved out of state right after high school, but my parents and some of my siblings still live in the area. Thanks to my younger brother, Pat, I know that Pic left this world on November 8, 1991, a victim of cancer.

Pic was my Mom's age, born October 7, 1925. I was in her class in the mid-'70s and she also taught my younger brothers in the late '70s and early '80s.

AP Photo, Courtesy of Janna Holm

If Pic were still alive, I know she would have jumped right into the challenge faced by the family of Dorothy Holm, who lost the ability to speak due to a brain tumor.

Holm wrote a cryptic message on index cards as her life came to an end. In all, there were 20 cards like the one in this photo, covered with seemingly nonsensical letters.

Fast forward to 2014. Janna Holm was only 11 years old when her grandmother died in 1996, according to an AP article featured on ABC News.

Over the years, Janna and her family tried unsuccessfully to find the message Dorothy left as her final legacy. When her dad recently found one of the cards, Janna turned the mystery over to the word lovers at MetaFilter.com.

Although the entire text hasn't been unscrambled, it seems that part of Dorothy's message to her family was The Our Father, with each letter standing for a word of the prayer.

Part of the rest appears to be requests to God for strength and comfort for the beloved family Dorothy was leaving behind and a message of love and thanksgiving to God for hearing and answering her prayers. I'll be following this story on MetaFilter as wordsmiths more talented than me continue working on the pieces of the puzzle.

ABC News Photo, Courtesy Samantha Manville

Facebook exploded with comments after this love letter was featured recently.

Samantha Manville, a Washington mom, wrote this letter to 8-year-old Alexia and 10-year-old Liam, her children.

Samantha and her husband had a late Friday night and were still awake at 2 a.m. on Saturday when they left this note on their bedroom door, telling their children they would be sleeping in until 10 a.m.

The love letter was specific with instructions about what the children could and could not do while their parents caught up on their sleep, according to the story featured on ABC this week.

Yes, you may eat cereal for breakfast and watch TV. No, you may not leave the house or have friends over. The love letter ended with, "We love you."

The mommy wars filled Facebook as many parents of younger children were concerned about the safety of Alexia and Liam while parents of teens and young adults gave the Manvilles a virtual high five and wondered why they never thought about doing this.

I don't know about other parents, but love letters to my kids is nothing new. When each of my children was born, I wrote a love letter and followed up with subsequent love notes telling of their accomplishments at various ages.

I remember writing little love notes to pack in my kids' lunch boxes when they were in elementary school. Another love letter was added when each entered middle school and high school and I still write love notes in their birthday cards and sign with Xs and Os.

Love notes are a wonderful way to communicate with kids. It's often easier to communicate with teens through written words they can read over and over again, even if they would toss aside the same words coming out of a parents' mouth.

My collection of love letters to my children is tucked away safely in a file cabinet, although I made copies for each of them of their baby love letters a few years ago, tucked into memory books filled with photographs and memories.

Love letters are nothing new, but sadly they seem to have fallen by the wayside in favor of text messages and Facebook messages. There's nothing quite like a love letter. Why don't you give it a try and add love letters to your family traditions.

Until the next time, I'll take what I can get when I can get it and do the best I can to face each day with a smile on my face, a prayer on my lips and a song in my heart.

Blogging Grandma Sandy, signing off for now.

Our Christmas Family Traditions

If you grew up in the '50s and '60s, there may be a photo of your family that looks similar to this one.

Gathering around the tree on Christmas morning for a family photo was just one of those Kodak moments in our family - and it still is.

In big families, many Kodak moments are never recorded or aren't exactly accurate.

Although this photo makes it appear that there were four children in the family on Christmas morning of 1957, there were actually five. The baby of the family was sleeping in another room. That baby was me.

In our family, the Nativity was always the first Christmas decor item on display.

When the Nativity was put on display, the wise men and shepherds were far away and baby Jesus wasn't yet in the picture.

Each day the wise men and shepherds moved closer to the Nativity.

On Christmas morning, baby Jesus finally arrived in the manger.

This photo, taken several years before my birth, features my oldest sister. The same Nativity is still displayed every year at my parents' house.

This photo of the Christmas tree was taken with black and white film, so you can't tell that the bulbs are multi-colored.

The photo also doesn't tell you that the tree was decorated in the early hours of Christmas morning after Midnight Mass.

When we went to bed, there was a bare tree. While we slept, or tried to sleep, Santa decorated the tree.

The tinsel was placed on the tree one piece at a time and only placed, never tossed.

The tree contained various ornaments including many Old World style ornaments, bubble lights, tinsel, strands of garland and a star at the top.

My Mom made the curtains in the background when she was a newlywed in the mid 1940s. Those curtains have been around longer than any of my parents' children.

Same ornaments with a few added, but a different tree. You'll notice the same curtains.

This photo was taken in 2003 and includes two of my parents' many grandchildren.

My parents' children were spread out over almost 20 years.

As a result, their grandchildren range in age from five to several in their 30s.

My parents have seven great-grandchildren, the grandchildren of me and one of my older sisters. All of the great-grandchildren are close in age to my parents' younger grandchildren, the children of our three youngest siblings.

Our family has been members of the same church since I was in elementary school.

Several of us attended the parish school which was located next door to the church.

Each week, my parents meet the local siblings and grandchildren for Mass and then they all go out to lunch together.

Those who are visiting from out of state nearly always attend Mass with the family.

This photo, taken in front of Immaculate Conception's Nativity, features my youngest brother's five children.

All five of my brother's children were baptized at this church, as were my older sister's five children and my oldest.

My two younger children were baptized at a different church near my parents' home. The priest who performed their Baptisms was my childhood priest.

Each year when I was a child, we made special Christmas cookies using a recipe handed down from my Mom's side of the family.

As you can see, my younger brother was invading my personal space, something that happens a lot in big families.

For many years after we all moved out of our parents' house, my Dad made Christmas cookies each year and sent to us.

Some of us continued the tradition in our own families, making hundreds of rolled shortbread cookies and decorating each cookie with icing and colored sugar.

Christmas cookies were pretty much the only thing I had cooked when I got married. I learned to cook on the fly, but always loved baking more than cooking real food.

My children grew up with the tradition of making our family's special Christmas cookies each year.

When my kids were younger, we made dozens of plates of cookies each year for teachers, friends, coworkers, neighbors and family members.

Now my daughters make Christmas cookies at their houses with their own children.

I always try to get together with my kids and grandkids during December for a baking day.

In addition to our family's Christmas cookies, we make a variety of other cookies to give to our friends.

The rolled Christmas cookies are a perennial favorite among friends and coworkers.

I shared the recipe with my sister-in-law while staying at my youngest brother's house after Christmas one year.

For several years, my sister-in-law and her kids have made cookies for all of the family and shipped them out, carrying on the family tradition.

Several of the cookie cutters I use were gifts from my parents when I was a newlywed.

I always decorate the Santa cookies the way I remember decorating them as a child.

Santa's boots and bag are brown, the toys in the bag are multi-colored and Santa is red.

I also decorate wreath cookies the same way I remember decorating them years ago, using red sugar for the berries and green for the wreath.

In my family, gifts were always opened one at a time. Everyone else watched as each person opened their gifts.

With such a large family, Christmas unwrapping takes much longer now. The one gift at a time rule still reigns in my parents' family, but I eventually had to let go of that rule with my kids.

The Christmas celebration is usually held at my youngest brother's house these days.

There's not enough room for everyone at my parents' house and the noise level quickly grows too loud for my Mom to handle.

The youngest kids in attendance generally pass out gifts, but an adult oversees the operation to make sure that things go smoothly.

In this picture, my older sister is reminding my brother's kids that we hand out gifts one at a time and that we wait for each person to open their gift before handing out another.

There's always a big open box sitting nearby for the used paper. Basketballs made from balled-up wrapping paper fly across the room and some even make it into the box.

It's great being part of a big family. Those who grow up without lots of siblings don't know what they're missing.

Family traditions are a way for each generation to feel connected to the others. Whether your family is big or small, family traditions remind kids that they are part of something bigger and that they are surrounded by love.