Happy First Birthday in Heaven, Mom!

You were smiling on your birthday in this photo five short years ago. You joined us in the birthday song: "Happy Birthday to ME," you sang.

When I think of you today on your first birthday in Heaven, this is just how I see you -- filled with joy, laughing, singing and happily surrounded by your parents, brothers and many others you love.

I know you're safely home with God, just where you're supposed to be. But that doesn't stop the pain deep in my heart that comes from missing you. 

I think of you in the morning, when each day dawns anew. I think of you in the day, remembering lunch time walks taken while talking with you by phone. I think of you in the evening and when I close my eyes to sleep. You're never far from my thoughts.

You dropped a penny down to me the day you went away. As the days have passed by, the penny pile has grown -- and includes nickels, dimes and quarters too.

Some days when I look up to the sky, I see angel clouds or clouds shaped like hearts and I know you're watching over all of us.

Sometimes I see butterflies -- often in pairs -- dancing in the meadow or flitting from flower to flower. Maybe you've sent them down so I'll feel your love surrounding me.

I can't send flowers to Heaven, but I'm sure that there's no need. Heaven must be filled with flowers much more beautiful than these. 

Heaven's the perfect place -- more beautiful than we can imagine. How fitting it is that my beautiful Mom is forever at peace in such a wonderful place. None of us knows just what it's like up in your eternal home. Perhaps Heaven is filled with all of your favorite things.

Maybe there are brownies for breakfast -- or anytime your heart desires. 

Perhaps there's a Jayhawk or two to keep you warm.

Heaven may hold a puzzle stockpile to last you through eternity.

There may even be a Snoopy or two up there in Heaven with you.

Maybe there's KFC up there for you to enjoy.

Coke in Heaven? Who knows -- but whether or not there's Coke up there, I'm sure that you're wearing that same big smile. Because to be in God's presence is certainly worth smiling about.

The streets of Heaven may be paved with gold, but maybe there's springtime flowers too.

We miss you here every day, but you're finally reunited with so many of those you've loved and missed for years.

Here's flowers for you to enjoy, Mom
All of your favorite colors are here
As I look at flowers in my garden
I feel your presence here.

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Mom
I'm sure the celebration's grand
I'll try today to choose joy over sadness
As I remember the warmth of your hands

You're always in my heart
Even if I can't see your face
I know you're up there waiting
For us all to be together in that perfect place.

 

On your birthday and always
You're loved and missed forever
With all my love
XOXOXO Ciss

Finding Joy in the Midst of Grief

The first year of grief is the worst year, or so they say; however, many friends have told me that you never get over the death of a loved one.

You'll probably spend a lot of time reliving happy memories, looking at old photos and wishing that things were different.

You may wish for one more day, one more smile, one more kiss, one more chance to say, "I love you" but your wishing is in vain.

There's no standing still in life. You have to move forward and somehow find acceptance as you learn to cope with your new normal.

Find joy in the simple things in life like the sun rising out of the churning ocean to herald the dawn of a new day.

Find joy in the magnificent beauty of nature as you watch the sun setting over the mountains and know that you've made it through another day.

Find joy spending time with those you love. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh and who bring smiles to your life.

Find joy all alone in the places you love the most. Let feelings of peace and comfort wash over you like waves over your feet.

Life is what we make of it. Don't cry because it's over now, laugh because it happened. Remember that just wishing changes nothing.

The sun won't stay behind the clouds forever. My Mom always said, "Better days are a-coming" and I know it's true.

Find joy in places and things that remind you of your loved one. Everywhere I go lately, I see butterflies bringing love from beyond. Sometimes there's only one, but sometimes there's a pair. As they flutter and fly together, I know they're telling me everything will be okay.

Find joy in your faith and know that God is always with you, even in the darkest night. Pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Find joy watching nature's creatures: the hawk soaring across the sky, a deer in the woods, a bee sipping nectar from a flower.

Sometimes the tears will flow from your eyes like water from a bucket. Although it seems the tears will never end, it's okay to cry.

The lyrics of a familiar song may bring you comfort. "Awake from your slumber! Arise from your sleep! A new day is dawning for all those who weep." These words from the hymn City of God are so true. Our tears will be turned into dancing, all in God's time.

Find joy spending time with your partner. None of us are promised tomorrow so be loved and show your love today.

Find joy when you look to the heavens, knowing that your loved one is looking over you. Look at the clouds and see love.

Find joy in the world around you. Go to the water, the source of life. Listen to the current of the water at the lake, river, ocean or stream and you'll find peace.

Find joy in beautiful places close to home. Sit in a garden among the flowers and enjoy the peace and quiet. Find joy and let your heart be light.

Find joy in your own yard. As you move through your daily tasks of life, take time to really see the beauty that's right under your nose.

Find joy by living each day to the fullest. These words written by Sheila B. Cabrera speak of aging, but also speak well to living through grief, "I refuse as I age to deny my years. When asked at 30, I'll be 30. When the question comes up at 45, I'll take 45. For what year could I subtract? The one in which my son or daughter was born? Or the year I first fell in love? How about one less favorable? Like the year I came down with pneumonia. Or one of those grief-filled years spent saying good-bye to someone close? Maybe I could choose the seemingly insignificant. That year I saw a falling star? Or the one spent not enthralled with life, just content with it? No, I think I'll keep them all, the good years, the bad and even the not so memorable. To deny one would be to deny myself. Because added up, they are my life."

Find joy in the seasons of the year and the cycles of the days. The night is always darkest before dawn, but dawn always comes.

Day follows night just as joy follows sorrow. The first year is almost certainly the worst. All of those firsts await: the first day, first week, first month, first birthday, first holidays, first everything without your loved one.

Life is beautiful. I know it's true, but somehow life was more beautiful with you. One day we'll all be together again. But until then, I'll do my best to find peace, comfort and joy each day.

Blogging Grandma Sandy, signing out for now.

Pennies from Heaven and Other Signs from Beyond

Do you believe in pennies from Heaven? Although I'd heard of people receiving messages from beyond the grave, I hadn't experienced it myself until my Mom died. On the day Mom died, I found this penny on the ground when I walked out of the nursing home at the end of the day.

This poem called "Angel's Pennies" tells what pennies found on the ground mean to many people. When an angel misses you they toss a penny down, or so the story goes. Perhaps my Angel mom sent that penny on the ground for me to see, to turn my sadness into joy.

Even before her death, it was easy to see that Mom could feel God's pull from above, calling her to her eternal home. After Mom's death, this crucifix, statue of Mary and pair of candles, one slightly longer than the other, drew me into a corner of the church basement where Mom spent so many hours of her life. Looking back, the candles seem symbolic of my parents' lives, with Dad's life just slightly longer than Mom's.

Do those who are dying see images we can't see? When they look out the window at the sunrise, do they see God beckoning them home? When they look beyond their loved ones' faces, do they see the face of God smiling upon them? Some people who have returned from the grasp of death say it's true.

Two days before Dad's death, the sun shining through the early morning clouds seemed like a message from beyond, calling Dad to come home. Did God send these rays to brighten the gloomy morning and my gloomy spirit? Did Mom ask for those rays of sunshine to bring peace to my soul?

On the morning after Dad's death, when I went to the cemetery to tell Mom what she already knew, the sun shone brighter than ever. Although Mom's with God, her spirit calls to me from her final resting place. 

As I walked among the newest of the graves, this ribbon beside a bouquet of flowers had a message that called out to me. Let go and let God, we may say the words but our actions don't always match the words.

At the cemetery on the evening of Dad's burial, the rays of the setting sun brought warmth to my spirit and hope for the promise of eternal life.

The early morning skies on the morning after Dad's burial were a palette of colors. Were they mixed by God's loving hands to bring comfort to me and all who were mourning?

The purple skies at dusk the next evening were the color Mom loved so much, reminding me that her love is with me always and her spirit lives inside of me.

On my way back to work after lunch one day, about a month after Mom's death, I found another penny, this one on the ground beside my car. 

Butterflies are another sign from Heaven, or so some people believe. As the caterpillar sheds its cocoon to become a beautiful butterfly, we shed our earthly bodies when we are called home to Heaven.

A month after Dad's death, this butterfly called to me, wings flapping atop these beautiful lavender flowers Mom would have loved.

On the same day, I watched this mother deer leed her fawns to safety, watching over them and teaching them the lessons they will need when they are grown.

Early in August, just before the two month anniversary of Mom's death, I saw butterflies everywhere. This butterfly flew away and returned numerous times as I watched.

Driving through the mountains, I watched this hawk flying overhead. Even after I parked and got out of the car, the hawk's circling flight above continued.

Two months after Mom's death, another penny appeared. Like the second penny I found, it was face up instead of face down on the ground.

Pennies and butterflies, are they signs from above, sent from Mom and Dad to show me their love? On one walk, a butterfly like this one lit on my shoulder for just a moment before flying away.

This poem I found about butterflies reminds me that my parents' spirits will be with me always, forever in my heart. Although I feel their presence every day, each time I see a butterfly, they seem especially near.

This poem by Jill Haley is used at butterfly release ceremonies. Forever in my heart, that's where my parents will always be, right there beside me as I go through each day.

Mom never loved roses. She felt that their beauty was too fleeting and they would soon die. But roses in Heaven must live forever, just as we all will some day. Dear God, place a bouquet of roses in my Mommy's arms. Add some petunias and snapdragons, flowers she loves. I remember her always and feel her love each day. I feel Daddy's love too, present day and night, even in my dreams.

God called to them and they followed Him home. They look down on me and watch as I go through each day. I know that they're safely home now, waiting for that day when we're all together again. As Mom always said, "One day we'll all be together." 

What a party we'll have when that day comes! But until then, I'll take what I can get when I can get it and do the best I can to live the legacy Mom and Dad gave us all. I'll face each day with a smile on my face, a prayer on my lips and a song in my heart.

To paraphrase a favorite story of mine, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living - and beyond - your daughter I'll be." Blogging Grandma Sandy, signing off for now.