Mom Showed Me the Way

They say that only a Mom really knows

How quickly life moves, how fast time goes.

From babies to toddlers to school girls and boys

Rattles and stuffed animals to being too big for toys.

Those older and wiser try to tell the young Mom 

To live life while they're young, they'll soon be at prom. 

Soon driving and laughing, or texting all day 

Growing and changing and moving away.

A Mom's heart breaks with each ache her child feels 

Though she tries to soften the blows making deals. 

With God or with man or whoever she can 

To help her son grow up to be a man.

To moms everywhere on your own special day 

Your job is to see your children on their way. 

To manhood and to womanhood too 

Until you soon have no more job to do.

Moms take the blame for whatever goes wrong 

And pass out the praise when the boy's big and strong. 

'That's my boy' or 'That girl is mine' 

Pride in your voice, eyes that do shine.

As you look toward your children, now grown 

You know that you'd give up all that you own. 

To go back in time, if just for a day 

To a time when the baby in your arms did lay.

The future still so far far away 

For now just only time to play. 

And knowing then what now you know 

How quickly that little baby would grow.

A good Mom works herself out of a job 

The kids grow up and time does rob 

The days away and memories too 

Leaving Mom sometimes sad and blue.

But don't despair, Moms here and there 

Before you know, life will soon be fair. 

When that baby of yours has a baby too 

For you to hold and rock and sing to.

That's what the older ones all know 

Life's endless circle as little ones grow. 

You've done your job, you did your best 

And now you've earned your little rest.

Thanks to all the Moms, especially mine 

You raised all eight, should have been nine. 

You saw us all through thick and thin 

You did it all while wearing a grin.

Because you knew our time would come 

We'd have to let go of our own little ones. 

Wave good-bye and choke back our tears 

Let them go their own way despite all the fears.

Thanks dear Mom for showing me the way 

And for teaching me how to sing and to play. 

Showing me what a good Mom should do 

When I grew up, I became just like you. 

- Sandy Wallace, May 2, 2012

One of the perks of being a freelance writer is the freedom to write about whatever I want. I originally wrote this poem as a Mother's Day tribute to my Mom, published in May 2012 on the Yahoo Contributor Network. During the month of May 2015, we've made it through two more firsts: the first Mother's Day without our Mom and Mom's first birthday in Heaven. 

They say the first year spent grieving the loss of a loved one is the worst and that the pain lessens with time. Almost a year ago, we said our final good-byes to Mom and Dad. Mom died on June 5, 2014, and Dad followed her to their eternal home just 16 days later on June 21, 2014.

As I turned the calendar from May to June this year, those two dates stood out on the calendar as bleak reminders of this grief-filled year. Mom's homegoing took place early in the morning of my younger grandson's sixth birthday. Perhaps this was God's way of giving me a reason to celebrate June 5 each year, instead of just grieving. It seems fitting to republish this tribute as the date of Mom's death approaches.

I captured this photo of my Mom on one of my many visits back home. Mom always asked me to call when I was getting close to home so she could be ready and probably so she could be on the front porch waiting for me -- my personal welcome home committee of one. Dad was usually waiting inside, except when he was gone to Boy Scout camp.

This is one of my fondest memories of Mom -- waiting for one of her children to come home. Whether standing on the front porch waiting in the middle of the day or sitting on the living room davenport waiting in the middle of the night, waiting for her kids to come home is just what Mom did.

One of Mom's favorite sayings was, "You take it as it comes." Mom waited for us then as she waits for us now. When my days on earth come to an end, I expect to see Mom waiting for me on the other side -- my personal welcome home committee to Heaven. Until then, I'll take it as it comes. I Love you, Mom! You're loved and missed always.

A Veterans Day Tribute to My First Hero

What makes a man a hero? Bravery, integrity, strength, courage against all odds, selflessness, perseverance, sacrifice and honor are all traits I found in my first hero, the man I called Daddy.

My Dad taught me many valuable life lessons - some with words, but most through his actions. By watching Dad's actions, we all learned the meaning of patriotism.

Dictionary.com defines patriotism as "devoted love, support, and defense of one's country." Dad devoted most of his working years to serving America, at home and abroad.

Most of Dad's military life took place out of the sight of his family. Unlike most civilian jobs, kids generally aren't invited to visit military parents on the job.

The old saying goes, "If the Army wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one." Somehow, Dad found time for his family, despite his career.

As a child, I had no idea of the dangers Dad faced, especially when he was overseas. As an adult, I thanked God many times that Dad survived three wars, returning home to us after every hardship tour to pick up his life with family where he left off when he was deployed.

 
I don't have a lot of photos of the Daddy I remember from my childhood - the Dad who took us fishing in the canoe, taught us to bowl and play tennis, cooked big holiday meals and gave us rides on his back at the pool, diving underwater without warning to the child riding on his back.

The Dad of my youth was a Boy Scout volunteer who was euqally comfortable feeding a crowd of scouts on a camping trip and cooking S'mores over the backyard incinerator with his kids.

Dad took us downtown on Saturdays, giving us pennies to put in what he called “the goofy machines.” Dad also taught us how to do practical things. When Dad took us out fishing in the canoe, he taught us how to row the boat.

When Dad taught us how to play tennis, we had to shag the balls we hit astray. When we were bowling, Dad never made fun of us for rolling a gutter ball, Instead, he would say, “I’ll give you a dollar if you can knock down the one on the other side.”

As I grew older, Dad taught me many other practical lessons, including how to read a wiring diagram and how to gap spark plugs. I was more than a little bit crazy in my teen years, but I always knew my parents had my back. Dad walked me down the aisle as my years as an "at home kid" came to an end.

On my earliest trips home after moving to Virginia, there were still siblings living at home. Dad spent a lot of time at Boy Scout camp during the summer, with camp weeks often overlapping with my visits home. Dad always smiled and waved good-bye as Mom shed tears at each farewell.

Dad could often be found on the floor when grandkids came to visit. Whether he was playing Little People or letting grandkids climb on his back, it was clear to see that Dad delighted in his grandkids.

Although Dad enjoyed all of the grandkids, he especially loved the babies. At every family gathering, you would find Dad holding at least one baby, often making goofy faces and noises at them to make them laugh, as he did when we were little kids.

Summertime trips back home always included watergun fights, cookouts and a trip to Worlds of Fun, where Dad recorded the day on film and rode on various rides with the grandkids.

Dad was often the grill master at family cookouts. The burgers were always charred on the outside and pink on the inside, "the best way," according to Dad.

With such a big family scattered from coast to coast and beyond, it was rare for all of us to come home at the same time. In 1994, we all gathered together for our youngest sibling Nancy's wedding.

Following tradition, Dad walked Nancy down the aisle and danced with her at the reception. Dad looked almost regal at the festivities surrounding the wedding of his baby girl.

Dad and Mom renewed their wedding vows a few years later for their 50th anniversary. Father Bill McEvoy, who grew up with us kids, celebrated the Mass with Mom, Dad and our family.

All of us kids and our children came home for the happy occasion, marked by many photos, including this one of Mom and Dad's growing family.

In 2000, Dad was diagnosed with cancer. We were all devastated. My kids and I went home for Dad's surgery, joining Mom and most of my siblings, nieces and nephews in the waiting room. Dad never complained, never showed any fear and, if he was in pain, didn't show it to any of us.

Dad kicked cancer's butt in 2000. Just three months after major surgery and treatments, Dad drove cross-country alone for my oldest daughter Jenny's high school graduation with a side trip to the World War II Museum in New Orleans. Mom flew in for the graduation with my older sister Kathy. After driving back home, Dad took a second road trip a couple of weeks later to Oklahoma for my niece's wedding, this time accompanied by Mom.

 
The following summer, Kenny and I drove to Kansas with our four "at home kids." We enjoyed family gatherings at Mom and Dad's house and my brother Pat's house and took photos on Mom and Dad's front porch.

My oldest grandson, Kyle, was Mom and Dad's first great-grandchild. Kyle was just a baby when we visited Kansas in 2001 so he didn't come along. The following summer, Mom and Dad posed for four generation photos with me, Jenny and Kyle, who kept trying to get down. Dad was clearly amused by Kyle's antics.

In 2004, all of us traveled home to celebrate Dad's 80th and Mom's 79th birthdays. Although Mom hated having her picture taken when we were kids, she relented a bit and even smiled for photos with the grandkids.

Lots of family photos were taken at the big birthday party, including one of Mom and Dad with all of their children and this one of all of the family members who were present. Mom and Dad had 23 grandkids at the time, who ranged in age from 28 years old to the youngest three, who were all 1 year old. Kyle, who was 3, was still my parents' only great-grandchild.

In 2007, I took multiple trips home to visit Mom and Dad, including one in December when my kids and grandson Kyle accompanied me. I always tried to take group photos with Mom and Dad. In this photo, Mom and Dad posed with all of their grandkids who were home and their two great-grandkids.

Dad lived a life filled with service to others. In addition to 28 years serving in the Army, Dad worked in the Kansas prison system for 10 years, serving in various capacities including warden of the Kansas State Prison in Lansing. In his spare time, Dad built a train setup in the basement, which many of the grandkids were fortunate to enjoy when they visited.

Dad was an active Boy Scout volunteer from 1968 until his death. It seems appropriate that the Dad I remember whistling his way through life had a Delaware Indian scout name "Nechasin Achpiquan Woapalanne," which means "Watchful Whistling Eagle." Dad received many awards for his service to the Boy Scouts, including the Kaw District Award of Merit, the Saint George medal, the Silver Beaver award and was honored in 2011 by the National Council of the Boy Scouts of America as a James E. West Fellow, the highest honor awarded to adult scout volunteers.

Dad was also very active in his church, serving many years at Immaculate Conception - St. Joseph Parish as a lector, Eucharistic minister and song-leader commentator.  Dad also served on the Pastoral Council, was secretary of the Finance Council, served on many church committees, was PTO president of the Catholic grade school many of us attended and later served as first PTO president of the consolidated Catholic schools in Leavenworth.

I'll always remember Dad first and foremost as a family man, the first man in my life and our family's hero. My brother-in-law Jim took this photo and several others of Mom and Dad with their three middle daughters on one of my visits home.

Dad battled cancer and won more than once, but in the end cancer took his life. Dad died on June 21, 2014, surrounded by family. Although we always thought Dad would die first, Mom preceded Dad in death by 16 days. Dad died just nine days after celebrating his 90th birthday by sharing cake and ice cream with his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Dad was proud of his military service and wore with honor the three war veteran hat I bought him on one of my trips to DC. On the day he died, Dad was visited by two members of the Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association, who awarded Dad honorary membership in the organization. Members of the Patriot Guard Riders stood guard at the funeral home and church and escorted Dad to his final resting place, where he was buried with military honors, a hero to the end.

Each year on Veterans Day, America honors her heroes, the brave members of the U.S. Armed Forces who served in times of war and peace. This Veterans Day tribute is a gift to Dad, my first hero. Thank you the many gifts you gave to your family and thank you for your service to others and to the country you loved. We will love and miss you always!

Saying Good-Bye

I've never been good at saying good-bye. I get choked up and end up crying, just like my Mom always did when bidding her kids farewell. Three weeks ago, I said my final good-bye to Mom before she died. A week ago, I told Dad good-bye for the last time as he followed Mom into the glory of God's kingdom.

Whenever we visited my parents in Kansas, Mom always cried as she stood on the sidewalk, waving until our car was out of sight. In the car, my tears matched hers as I sadly drove away, leaving behind my parents and my childhood home.

Dad was a career Army officer, so home was wherever the Army sent us. Mom fell in love with the town of Leavenworth, the town they both embraced as home when Dad retired.

Mom's years as an Army wife were spent moving from pillar to post. Dad was already in France when Mom followed with her six children. My youngest brother Pat was born on this tour of duty, the second of my parents' children born abroad. Nancy, the baby of the family, was born several years later in Alabama.

Dad taught me lots of practical life lessons - how to swim and ride a bike, how to gap spark plugs and read a wiring schematic, how to row a boat and play tennis. Dad also taught me the value of hard work, the meaning of dedication and what true love was all about.

Mom showed her love for us with midnight feedings, after school snacks, late night chats, long-distance phone calls, cards for every occasion and no reason at all, and always being there for us with an endless, timeless and eternal love. Mom didn't just love her children - she cherished us. We were her life and for us, she would gladly have given her life.

Dad was the family photographer so there aren't many photos of him with us when we were younger. Mom hated having her picture taken so there are even fewer photos of her when we were kids.

Even more rare are photos of Mom and Dad together, except a few taken by one of us kids when Mom wasn't looking our way.

Mom and Dad served as godparents to several grandchildren and were proud to share their love of God with their children and grandchildren. Dad converted to Catholicism after we were grown. Every Sunday, Mom and Dad were at church, leading by example. My parents' commitment to serving others extended beyond church and family to include years of volunteer work with scouting, our schools and the community. This photo was taken after Jenny's Baptism at Immaculate Conception, Mom and Dad's church.

Dad worked a lot when we were kids, but he had plenty of time for playing when the grandkids visited. Dad would lay on the ground playing with the grandkids. He'd also take them to play with his model trains in the basement. As Dad got older, he really enjoyed holding the babies in our family.

Mom loved her grandkids the same way she loved her kids, with all of her heart. Mom loved to work puzzles and share stories with her grandkids. The grandkids who lived nearby were often treated to a walk downtown with Grandma for an ice cream cone.

For those who lived nearby, Mom and Dad were at nearly every game and event. For those who lived far away, they shared in the joys and heartaches of everyday life with cards and phone calls.

Mom and Dad probably said every single parenting line that exists. As an parent, when I open my mouth to share some wisdom with my kids, I’m not sure if I’m going to hear my mom or my dad but know that one of them will be speaking through me. I remember Mom saying “Go and ask your father,” and Dad asking, “What did your mother say?” 

We learned from an early age to “look it up” when we didn’t know the answer to something. We learned that knowledge was power. There were always encyclopedias and books in our house to find the answer to any question. Books were our internet.

We were taught from a young age to be proud of our country. Dad flew the American flag on the front porch, a symbol of the country he loved. It's only fitting that Mom and Dad will be buried in Leavenworth National Cemetery, where the American flag is always flown.

Mom and Dad were proud of their children in a quiet way. They didn't praise us for the sake of praise or to raise our self-esteem. They had high expectations and we rose to the challenge.

Mom and Dad were excited to become great-grandparents. My grandson Kyle was their first great-grandchild, but now there are 10 great-grandkids with one more on the way.

The most recent photo of Mom and Dad with their descendants was taken 10 years ago at a family reunion. The family has grown even more since then. Mom and Dad leave behind eight children, 26 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren, a legacy of their 66 years of love and devotion.

In her later years, Mom could always be found on her favorite davenport in the living room, with her collection of Snoopy and KU Jayhawk items behind her. Mom sat here working puzzles and watching TV.

In his later years, Dad was in his recliner in the living room or across the hall on his computer, looking things up and taking care of business.

I always talked to Mom more than Dad on the phone, but I learned a lot from Dad. On my last visits home in spring of 2014, I spent a lot of time talking with both of my parents. Dad shared war stories and let me help him with a few things around the house - a rarity for a man who never asked for help.

I was never an only child, don’t remember being the youngest child at home, and wasn’t ever really the oldest child at home. None of that really mattered then, nor does it now. Living in our home was always interesting and I really don’t remember ever wishing that I’d been in someone else’s family. There were always brothers and sisters around to play and fight with and there was always noise and commotion in the house. To me, those were all good things.

How do I say good-bye to the woman who loved me more than her own life? To the woman who taught me so many valuable lessons? To the woman who will always be a part of me long after her life is over? How do I say good-bye to the man who was my first hero? To the man who taught me right from wrong? To the man who will live on in me forever?

My siblings and I will say good-bye to our parents by living our lives well, by loving one another and our God, by raising our children to be good people who help others as our parents did. You gave us life and love and taught us more lessons than you’ll ever know. Thanks for always being there and giving us all that we needed. As your journey ends, ours continues without you. As you march forward to your well-deserved places in God’s kingdom, may the lives we live pay honor to you. As you look down on us from above, may we hear and feel your guidance, comfort and love with us always in the whisper of the wind, the gentle rain and the rising and setting of the sun. Thanks Mom and Dad for a job well done. I love you now and forever.